He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
