Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
