Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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