i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
