I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
