just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize