the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All I want is dick and wine.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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