apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
