I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
