He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
