I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
