Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
