do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
