just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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