Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Your dad touched me again.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize