i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
