Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
