So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
