i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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