Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
