Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
