i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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