how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
