I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
