Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize