I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I see more hoeing in ur future
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize