apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
