pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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