I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
