So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
