mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I deserve this hangover.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
