i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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