Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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