I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
