I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
