I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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