so that wasnt chicken after all
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
