Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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