The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
