We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
