but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
