just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
