I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize