I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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