ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
