sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
