Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
