remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
