She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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