Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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