Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
