I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Randomize
