I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
