I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
