I was born with a shot glass in my hand
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
