i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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