Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize