If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
