If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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