I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
