Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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