This girl is more easily done than said...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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