I can tuck mytits in my pants
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't turn off my feet"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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