do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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