I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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