youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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