Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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