sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
