I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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