why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize