So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
