we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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